I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
