having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
third nipple confirmed
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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