It's just like the Real World with babies
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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