At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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