I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
