I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I am available for nakedness
Randomize