Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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