Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
