well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
