dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
