i was rollin on her like bob the builder
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize