Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize