am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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