I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
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