apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize