My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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