Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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