What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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