I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
