Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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