My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
