Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
