he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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