Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
