these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
