How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
