We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
