I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
