My hand turned me down
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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