You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
her facebook's as public as her vagina
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
