I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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