I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
