This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
