get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
