I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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