I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
