Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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