I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize