Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
