Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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