I wish I could teleport
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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