We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
