a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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