TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
