remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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