New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
