i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
We got so high we made milksteak
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
