Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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