no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
