Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
