is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
