How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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