It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
