I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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