tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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