I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I look excited, but its just a facade.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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