i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
The air taste purple.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
