I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
