the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
