Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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