She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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