Having a random hookup so left but love u
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
