dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
