Cold hands, warm shart.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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