JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
