You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
