i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Randomize
