my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
When did angry sex become our thing?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
