I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
