Pregnant stripper...not hot.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
So vagazzling was a success
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
