highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I checked into jail on foursquare
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
