I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
