Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
