my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize