who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
