My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
