I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
