don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
